Girl Ninety-Nine by Andy P. Jones

Extract from Girl Ninety-Nine by Andy P. Jones, submitted by Jon Elek at AP Watt.

Reasons why I shouldn’t have slept with the girl who’s singing in my shower:

1) We work together. 2) She’s a lovely girl. 3) She likes me a lot. 4) I like her a little. 5) We have slept together before. 6) Several times. 7) But not since March. 8) Which was three months ago. 9) And should have been the end of it. 10) She is a terrible singer.

This list is not exhaustive, but it serves its purpose. You get my point.

The first time I slept with Pippa was fine. We were single, consenting, slightly drunk, rather horny adults. Why not? No harm done. The second time, less so. You’ve upped the ante; it’s not so easy to dismiss as ‘just one of those things’. Because it wasn’t ‘just one’, was it? It was just two. And so on, exponentially, with each subsequent ‘thing’. Last night was thing number five, and now she’s singing ‘Lovely Day’ in my shower. Add that to the list.

In terms of reach and consequence, however, sleeping with Pippa still doesn’t top the act of kissing her in the first place in the back of a taxi after the office Christmas party. That and thinking it might be a good idea to admit this indiscretion to my girlfriend, Kate. Now my ex-girlfriend Kate.